I’m like u... a lost guy.
I have seen people make goals and achieve them.
But I have always failed. In fact I don’t know what a goal is, except for football !!!
I’m like the stray-road-side can that people kick and move ahead.I have no agenda.
I’m living though. And living for me is having breakfast at 11 and dinner at 9, all day same stuff...courtesy the harridan- my maid!!! I go to office every day, like a ritual, but never remember a damn thing about it.
I have no friends left. Last time i felt warm was when i was in college holding her hand, that was 7 years ago.
I constantly survive each day. Each day spent is an accomplishment of an extra-ordinary capacity.
I am not un-happy.. but I’m not happy.
I have longings that have outlived their utility.
I have a constant baggage of labored endeavors resulting in familiar disappointments, plaguing my spirits every time I take up something new.
My eyes are dull with no gleam.
Once i was romantic, she said I cud blatantly romance the naked-moon in front of the gawping envious stars, I didn’t even blush, in fact, she smiled in embarrassment. That was me.
I never waited on life or anyone. I flowed, carefree, careless.
There were more number of exciting years ahead than behind me. I was exploring life like never before. Each day merrier than the previous.
I didn’t need anyone, I always found a reason, and soon dropped it to pick another. She too was dropped, traded for some trifle reason.And I didn’t stop. The ride continued.
Everything fell in place. No regrets. No boundaries. No strings.
And one day suddenly everything stopped. I stumbled. I lost the magic and the charm. I could neither romance nor console. I cudn’t find any reasons around -they all evaded me.
I was alien to myself.
There was no one to hold-on to me in those dark moments when I cried like a scared soul.
Who was I ?…the romantic charmer who traded beautiful reasons…or the magician who had lost his touch.
Every reason dropped now haunted me. She haunted me. And the trifle reason that I traded her with ,mocked at me.I cud now understand her pain. It is unbearable…it smothers your identity, ur biggest 'Reason' in life - “to keep Living” .
Im lost now…and I dnt knw wre to go. !!!
But if you have that magic still alive…don’t you ever let the reason go!!!
Why its always that at the end I feel connected to your writings... love this one also...
ReplyDeleteYour lines so something inside me....m sure this is with the others also...
Sorry to say but it is also a trifle piece of writing...try harder dude. I know you can write better than this and even on better topics. But I appreciate that at least you do write :)
ReplyDelete@Anand: Thanks :-)I wud appresciate if you also point to my better writings...
ReplyDeleteBrother don't ever let the reason go...every1 is blessed with a unique talent but if there is no reason to be happy then obviously there is n o reason to be confused....live every moment to the fullest and find interest in work if u want to avoid the anxiety and nervousness which subconsciously eats u but u do not realise...nice writing though but expresses a gush of dejection..sometimes we feel strange and that's bcoz our pure soul tries to come to terms with our mysterious existence... U r a true hero for me and my rockstar...just let go...
ReplyDelete@Marc: thanks man!!! Its good to find people who care to think...we have to live through this life anyways ...so why not live it being a litle thoughtful and soulful.Your thoughts and comments are immensely valued.Thanks once again.:-)))
ReplyDeletehey gaurav!
ReplyDeletethis is an amazing writing. i can find myself sometimes to your sayings..
i have also asked myself who am i?
and whether we can live without the need of the others ..at least to some degree
at this period of my life i enjoy being lonely ..i go to my univeristy alone.. sit at a side alone and return back home alone.. with my headphones listening to the music which i have downloaded myslef..therefore i love it :P
but i really enjoy this loneliness
its good to be on our own i think ..
hmm.. would u consider it a bad thing if we go out alone, eat alone or go to the cinema with no company but ourself?
and what about if we have a birthday and we spend the whole day with ourselves?
First of all Thanks a lot!!!
ReplyDeleteIf you say you can relate to my writings...its such a pleasant complement for me.
Now to answer you on being alone..i wud say being alone with yourself for short durations of time in life is very necessary.
In those moments of loneliness you get to know urself, and you also start enjoying ur own company.Its really important in life to understand oneself.
But this phase of being alone shudnt be long enuff.Because alwyas remember the purpose of this life is to engage!!!
Not to disengage.
So yes,do get detached from this world for a while and enjoy ur own company,but never let it become a habit!!! because then its a sorry life...
okays gaurav!
ReplyDeletei think u r right, so i guess now i am having that phase of wanting to be far away from anyone
its perfectly ok as u agree so :P
but u are also seeing that i want ur company as well..
so just be here for me ..and company my loniliness :P
i shall be waiting u patiently ..
:-)Nadia sure !!!...i will be the last person to quit this blog space...so i guess i will be here wth u atleast as long as u follow me:-)))
ReplyDeleteEnjoy!!!